Who am I?

I read a quote today and it really rang true. It made me realise that part of me doesn't want to get better... part of me thinks that if I beat my 'demons' as suck, I will lose every last trace of my being. For so long, my mental thoughts have controlled my life and who I am to the point that I've lost my true identity. I don't know who I am anymore. I thrive on helping others but I completely forgot about finding myself. My brain told me that it was irrelevant but now I'm starting to fealise that knowing who I am is a vital step in finding something worth fighting for. Right now, I'm a burden, a stress provider and a happiness Hoover. I just want to know who I am.

Is that really too much to ask for?

Keep fighting, S x

Proud?

Today I had my last meeting of second year with my Uni Mental health adviser. I've been seeing her since October and had never stopped to think about how much things had changed. The session started as normal same questions, updated her on my life and the most recent steps I've taken & she told me that she was proud of me. I asked her why and she went into say that in my first few sessions she didn't know if I'd ever realise that I was the one who needed help. Now I'm at the stage where I'm openly asking for advice and speaking about my feelings without having a complete guilt fuelled melt down. It was at this moment where I realised that I should feel proud, although this year at uni has been very difficult to manage, I've proactively managed it and fought through.

Things like this make me realise how lucky I am to have such a support system around me of people who motivate me to never give up on myself regardless of how frequently I think that this is the case.

To say that I'm scared about my future is an understatement, but right now, I am Proud to be me. I really to believe that I can fight this and live my life with a real smile on my face.

Sorry for the late night ramble, remember that it's okay to be proud of yourself, as well as of those around you.

Love and hugs

Sophie x

Onwards and upwards...

I actually did what I've been waiting 5 long years to do, I told my GP that I think I may have an eating disorder. The lovely Support group had advised me to take a list as it's likely that I would freeze. Which as ever, I did. My GP was so caring and sympathetic. She asked me a few questions and proceeded to explain that she will be referring me to a specialist unit to be assessed. I'm so grateful for this and although I'm absolutely petrified, I know this is what I need to do!

Hopefully this is the start of freedom ✨

Hello it's me?

Hi,

I don't really intend on anybody reading this but I have been advised by some lovely people that it is a great release so I thought hey, what's the harm in trying? My name is Sophie and I am 20 years old. I have suffered with mental health conditions since the age of 15- a lovely mixture of depression, anxiety and disordered eating.

Yesterday I visited a support group for people recovering from eating disorders and although I didn't say much, I came out feeling less alone? It was such a bizzare feeling, but I'm hoping it's the start of me getting help & actually beating these illnesses.

Hopefully this is the start of something really great!

Anyway, that's short and sweet!

Will type soon!
Sophie x